I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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