i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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