just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
