It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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