k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
