I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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