they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize