everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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