I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
