It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
