sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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