Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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