you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
