I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize