last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think people are normalizing furries
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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