dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
