Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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