Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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