also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
