You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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