Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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