My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize