So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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