imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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