Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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