Just fell off a train. Bad.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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