ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
