I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize