I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Let's paint friendship bongs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
