I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
