12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
