im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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