It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
