My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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