Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
