Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
