I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
