let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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