I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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