:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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