Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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