he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
