Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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