so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
