Cold hands, warm shart.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
