watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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