That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
