What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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