My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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