I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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