i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
