they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
