Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
