I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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