all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
