i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
