hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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