i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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