Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
