Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
