I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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