Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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