I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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