i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
