Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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