On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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