I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
