i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
