Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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